Wednesday, December 9, 2009
drama on saturday surprisingly went awesome. maybe it's cause of the adrenaline, and the whole atmosphere, the ad-libs were really great. haha! sheik was awesome, tukang roti kiram salam sudah!
haha good memories..
i just have little regrets cause i made some mistakes with the lightings, may not be obvious but they're still mistakes.
abang's friends are supposed to come today, and for that, i had to clean up the house while my mom sent adik to the dentist. in the end, they didn't come and i missed the post-drama session for nothing. aiyoo...
haish stomachache now.
haha i love my new hairstyle. wanted to cut it shorter actually, maybe style it to the character Go Mi Nam in You're Beautiful k drama. but i got my haircut before i watched the drama. it's really good. some people compared it to BOF, but they're just different and unique and good in their own ways. there's no reason for comparison.
ok sleepy time...zzzZZZ
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
it's been a long tiring empty holiday so far. getting a part time job is so difficult. after the artsfest production, i couldn't get used to not being busy. it felt weird not to be in rehearsal, not pushing ourselves to the limit and stretching ourselves more. and when i wasn't busy the last few weeks, i became useless. what did i do so far? eat, sleep, watch tv/movies, youtub-ing, sometimes i play my instruments, sometimes i go running, i go for chinese class and i come for drama rehearsals, i do sit-ins for kavanagh dance. that's about it. all my holiday resolutions disappeared in a puff of smoke. what happened to all the the things i wanted to do? like read more books, like practice more of my music, like actually working and earning money. but now that i'm stuck in the useless stage, i can't seem to do anything even if i wanted to. point of this whole paragraph, what the shit am i doing??
i read other people's comments on facebook. stuff like 'im going to (so and so country) again'. wahlao...i'll be so damn glad if i can go for a holiday. see the world outside that my bedroom windows can't offer. i'll be so glad if i can even go somewhere, see something, experience something new. even if it's to indonesia or even over the causeway to johor to do prawn fishing.
it's been 2 months since we had a family dinner. my brother is supposed to come home from australia tomorrow but he is extending his stay so that he can visit the coral reefs. all i can think of is that when he comes home, i'll need to fight with him for the computer. but even those arguments, i miss them. (i won't say i miss him. i don't.)
i haven't been blogging because there is mothing to blog about. aiya...
in school, in bilik melayu, blogging now.
drama production is on 5 dec.
this is one of the most unsure moments of my life.
siti and i had an interesting talk just now in the ava room. hahaha... i hope all those fantasies and wishes of ours will come true. which reminds me of one thing. no matter how busy, or how 'mature' or how experienced we are, i think we all wish for the same basic thing. it's just that expectations and tight schedules cloud our innocence, but it's still there. so when will it come out again?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Don't tell us our energy is dropping, teach us how to recharge and direct our energy properly.
Don't tell us we were wrong, tell us what our mistakes were so we can correct them, learn and not do them again.
Don't tell us we were good or acceptable or good for a first try or not bad or there's a lot to work on but for now it's ok, teach us how to be better.
Just don't patronise us. If we really made a mistake, don't soften on us. We deserve whatever there is because of that mistake and we deserve to learn too. Just don't go all defensive and harsh and pointing your fingers at us when we don't even realise our mistake. If you want to scold us fine, but we want to know too what exactly is the problem with us.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
got back all my results today...overall GPA is 3.49. missed my targeted GPA by 0.01. yup i aimed for 3.5. yeesh...but my parents are satisfied, and i'm ok with it. so i'm happy about it =)
i decided to go home instead of going for rehearsal cos i'm still feeling sick. so i went home and slept for 3 hrs. other than that, i ate.. check for updates and filed my chem journal. i took 2 hrs. who knew pasting and sticking and organizing can take so long? so...i need to study for chem quiz tmr. dots...and i have to present our grp's business plan tmr. why is it so...not looking forward to tmr.
i've studio recording tmr. shit. im so dead meat. my notes are all wrong. shall go prac tmr cos no time tonight =( i'm not so bad. just can't hit a few notes. like i'll remember how it sounds but what comes out is different. and rhythm. aiya.. lots of work. i hope my head don't conk again tmr.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
i'm tired of being tired. sighss...
got back my results. humanities + eng + maths are good by my standards. physics is so-so. and i just passed bio and chem. i told myself i won't regret my last EYA. just do my best. i told myself that. somehow somewhere along the line something went wrong. this year ends really bad. part of it it's due to the circumstances like H1N1, so we couldn't have trainings and then i had to miss last training cos of ArtsFest. so it's just bullshit. i mean i love being in ArtsFest but Ohana is family and shit i hate to choose something over them. no, this is forced to. i almost couldn't go for POP chalet. i told mum the night before she was just like "No" but somehow she relented? she just sort of let me go. then on saturday morning, i called her and found out that we were supposed to go to my cousin's house. and i didn't know anything about it. i told her that we would end in the morning but it'll probably drag. and somehow she heard it as early morning. she planned to leave at 10.30. even if i leave chalet at 8, i can only reach home almost 10 and what the hell makes her thing that i can prepare by 10.30 to go to my cuz's place? i'll be freaking tired. i need 2 days to wear off saturday's prac. and i haven't had a good rest the whole week cos i had to prepare for options' assessment. i enjoy it but it's mentally tiring, and it's just arranging camera angles. tomorrow, during free block, i have to start editing the clips already. it's fun but why do all the things i enjoy doing taking a big toll on me? and how can i say that i don't wanna do them?? and what just pisses me off is her making plans without informing me. i mean shit if you wanna do things as a family then bloody well do it as a family. and what's with the attitude problem over the phone? i know i always get defensive around you, but you didn't have to mock my way of talking. you're my mum, i love you but please...
i'm supposed to finish my composition, about halfway through. i'll just leave it for tomorrow.
currently i'm sick. had fever last friday, after rehearsal suddenly i felt my body was really warm. when i got home, i bathed, didn't have appetite so i just drank milo and ate a few biscuits, then my temp shot really high. i felt i was burning. and i almost couldn't touch the floor cos it was so cold. i kept tearing. maybe it was also cos i was watching Hotel Rwanda. damn good show. all the while even today, i had this feeling like i wanted to vomit and i have this really bad stomachache that my mum just passes off as gas, like my stomach is bloated. i don't know what...?
i thought of going to the doctor tomorrow, get an mc, but then there's bills. which is ironic cos here i am using the comp. and if i get an mc, i can't do editing tmr and i need to go for rehearsals. i haven't memorise my lines. shit. somehow doing this artsfest is a way of making whatever wrong things right. or to salvage something, i don't know what. part of why this year is ending badly is an accumulation of all the previous years. the things i haven't done enough. like i hadn't contributed enough to rcy, perbayu. and not being committed enough in my studies. and if i can do one thing to the max, be satisfied. just one. perhaps my biggest regret is that i couldn't be a better senior. we laugh when mrs shirley tan said "pass the baton" but i don't even have a baton to pass. the whole of the month, i kept playing over and over again, the things i should've done. maybe i could've listen more to everybody, i should complain less. i don't know what i've done to help others, to impact others' life. i'm not trying to be a hero. i just want to be a good person. and doing the musical. leaving a fond memory for the crew, the audience, making them smile and laugh and cry and just catch a moment of life and share it with them and make a wonderful night to remember, will rectify a small portion of it.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Whoo...! It's been a really jam packed week. Haven't had a decent sleep since last week. But now that's geog pt is finally over... Yes i'll get a good night's rest tonight =D I'm like dead now. I came home at about 7.45 from Loewen's. Sighs... five years olds can be adorable and so annoying.
I came across this song entitled 'I love you' sang by Choikang Changmin. Then I found out that the song was actually from a band called Position. Then I found out that the song was originally a japanese song sang by Yutaka Ozaki. His voice is like wow...kinda like country style, husky and warm. but he died at the age of 26 due to drug overdose. Such a waste... sighs... and this song was adapted into a korean version. The lyrics aren't the same but both are beautiful :D
Japanese version:
I love you
Just for now, I don't want to hear sad songs
I love you
Escaping and escaping, I finally got to this room
This isn't a love where I was forgiven for everything
The two of us are like abandoned cats
This room is like an empty box, covered in fallen leaves
So you, with a crying voice like a kitten's...
On this creaking bed, instead of holding gentleness
If we can hold each other tightly
and then we'll close our eyes again
with a sad song, for this love not to fade
I love you
The two of us, who are too young
There's an untouchable secret in our love
I love you
I can't arrive at that, in my life right now
The love that piles up and lives on as one
We're only seeing a dream and being hurt
hearing "I love you" over and over,
You can't even go on living without this love
On this creaking bed, instead of holding gentleness
If we can hold each other tightly
and then we'll close our eyes again
with a sad song, for this love not to fade
Korean version:
I love you
There is nothing else I can say to you but 'I love you'
I love you
It seems to have become meaningless but I love you
What use is it now?
We’re going our separate ways
I know we can’t go back<
But I want to hold on to you however I can
I know we’ll meet again someday, if not in this lifetime
I shouldn’t show you a single tear drop
Leave me with the smile that made me fall in love with you
With that one smile, I will always be able to find you again
I love you
Do you remember the trembling feeling I first felt for you?
I love you
I’ve only just realised these words you said
I believed that our love wasn’t meant to be
Because it was too beautiful
Just as I was about to turn away
Like a dream, you came to me with your love<
I know we’ll meet again someday, if not in this lifetime
Leave me with the smile that made me fall in love with you
With that one smile, I will always be able to find you again
If we meet again someday, let’s make a promise
Let’s try not to love each other in this painful, easily separating kind of love
Currently I am annoyed cos I came across a fantastic song and now I forgot its title and I can't find it!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
funny thing is, i had wondered when i might get a break from my busy schedule and then BOOM! all arts fest cast have been quarantined cos one of us was H1N1 positive. and they wouldn't tell us who she is. sighs... LOA has been ok. slept a lot, cooked a lot (my mum made me since i'm at home. sheesh) and watched a lot of dbsk videos as well =D have to get back to sch tmr. which i guess it's a gd thing. the past week has been hectic as in aimless. yupp.
